suddenly have the urge to blog ;
about my feelings now ;
feeeling utterly upset ;
for whatsoever reasons ;
suddenly have the flashbacks of you ;
and sorta stuffs ;
making me cant breathe ;
i mean ;
yeah ehhh i dont like you anymore ;
i dont have any single feelings left for you ;
just that ;
i feeel that i have totally no courage to fall in love again ;
maybe because of ya aftereffects ;
maybe because of the phobia ;
maybe because i dont even trust my feelings anymore ;
i dont wanna fall in love ;
carelessly again ;
what love at first sight ;
BULLSHIT !
cause ;
i know that i cant tolerate anymore such stupid hurtings ehh ;
so yeahhh ;
how i wish i can be much stronger ;
like last time ;
where i can stand up again after every obstacles faced ;
but ;
i simply cant now ;
i cant even face myself ;
cant stop hating myself ;
for being such a weakling ;
for being such a people ;
who still neeeda someone to takecare of me ;
i have tried to go on with my life ;
smiling and pretend nothing happened ;
i dont wanna show to anyone that ;
im actually really lost and confused and scared and lonely ;
faking a smile ;
is really tiring ;
but for the sake for my loved ones ;
for them to stop worrying about me ;
i shall continue with my "cheerful" character ;
and go on with my life ;
alright man ;
after this post ;
the old siuyun shall die ;
and new siuyun is reborn ;
thats crap ;
yeahhh feeling much better now ;
SMILE PEOPLE ;
smiling really brighten one's day ;
:DDD
